DO NOT SETTLE

Him: Don’t put anything there, okay?

He said while I was opening a box of Pandora with a plain bracelet inside, of course I tried to refuse it but he insisted. I looked at him, confused.

Me: Hmmm. why? Why are you giving me this?

Him:  I know you’re not yet ready to fall in love again. That you want to find and complete yourself first. That you want to enjoy what life has to offer you… alone.

I was just staring at him, waiting for him to speak again but he didn’t… oh so he’s waiting for my answer…

Me: I’m sorry I’m not ready, just not yet. I hope you understand.

Him: It’s fine, I mean, yeah.. no pressure. Just consider this as a friendly gift and don’t worry I’ll be the one to buy charms for you.

Me: But why? I mean, this is too expensive for a friendly gift, you know.

Him: Yeah, whatever you say.

He paused, smiled at me and spoke again..

Him: Take a look at the bracelet… you see this bracelet is pretty even without its charms, right? It’s like you.. Plain but beautiful..

Then he stopped for a while when he noticed that I wrinkled my forehead when I heard him say the word plain.. I’m too far from being plain!

Him: Oh okay, it’s not what you think, and by saying plain.. I meant, you’re still in the process of putting your pieces back on their places.. and just like that bracelet, you are beautiful even though you have lapses, everybody does, so I’d like to be the one who helps you complete yourself. I want to be with you while you find yourself. Same as, I’ll be the one who’s going to help you make that more beautiful by buying charms, alright? How about that?

I was speechless and for a second, I felt the awkwardness between us. God. This is so awkward. I wasn’t expecting that to come up. I thought it was just a friendly gift from him but it turned out different.

Then and there, it got me. I mean, I know he’s sincere enough, I can see it in his eyes, but this time it’ s different. It should be different.

I’m tired of letting people in… because when I let them, they choose to leave.

Maybe, that is something I really need to think about plus, I’m not ready to take risk.. again. I don’t want temporary people and feelings in my life. Not anymore.

He said he needs to go home. Wait, I wasn’t able to react. Ohhhhhkay??? He just went straight to the doorstep then smiled at me.

Him: You need a lot of rest, alright? You’re sick. I’ll leave now and don’t forget what I told you, ok?

Me: Yeah, bye. Drive safely..

I glanced at his gift on the table and it got me thinking, yes, he likes me, obviously… but until when? Until when is he going to stay?

Like, how is it even possible for a guy to like a girl so much now, make an effort, court them, make promises, then once the girl’s already madly inlove with them, they end up leaving them and seem not to care anymore right after? Yes, I know, not all guys are like that but I don’t want that to happen again. I’ve been there and I am definitely not going back.

After an hour or two, I got a message from him telling me, he’s willing to wait and he’s not pressuring me, that it doesn’t matter if I’ll give him a chance or I don’t.

He knew it. He knew that I’m overthinking bout what happened earlier and I can tell it. We both know that I see him as my friend, just a friend.. nothing more, nothing less. He’s the one that’s taking risk, not me.

But I just can’t commit into something I am not sure of. My experiences in life has taught me so many things and I just don’t want to risk another heartbreak again to someone who’s not worth it. Well, I’m not saying he’s not worth it, maybe I just need to see if he can wait, if he can surely be there even after he sees all my shortcomings and my flaws and maybe I just want to know if he’s really worth it.

Yes, some of you will tell me, “you will never know unless you try”, but do I really need to try it first? How about we stop trying to prove to someone that we’re enough for them? But instead, prove to them that we are capable of being enough just for ourselves. Not for a guy or not for someone who’s not willing to be there till the end.

That’s when I knew I did the right thing….

Do not settle because you see him as a rich man ready to provide you with all the things that you want and do not settle because you see him as a good guy or as your ideal guy, perhaps, settle because you are ready to love that person fully because you are able to love yourself completely and you are ready to commit yourself to him and to the relationship with no restrictions.

That’s when you know it’s worth it.

 

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