this is how I let go

From the moment I saw you and from the moment I look into your eyes, I knew it; You had me there. I know you’ll play an important role in my life. You weren’t my ideal guy but you made me happy. I wasn’t your ideal girl but you made me believe that someone out there will love me for who I am. You made me believe in love again. Not until one day, you suddenly uttered the word “GOODBYE”. That moment shattered my heart to pieces but guess what? You made me believe that not everything in life is here to stay. It wasn’t easy…. and i mean that.

But this is how I let you go…

I’m letting go of all the possibilities​. Yes, the possibility that it’s gonna be me and you at the end. The possibility of “US”. The possibility that one day you’ll realize, you’ll come back and love me again.

I’m letting go of all the questions in my head. I know that some things are better left unsaid. And even though I have so many questions to ask you, I guess it’s better to walk away than to wait for you and have them all answered. Especially if it doesn’t mean anything to you anymore. Maybe time will reveal.. maybe…

I’m letting go of all the what ifs, could’ves and should’ves. I was hopeful that one day we can try this again and have another shot to make things right. But right now, I’m letting that hope go. Those what ifs, could’ves and should’ves are just mere expectations that would eventually lead to disappointments… one day. I have to let them go and focus on what is in front of me.

I’m letting go of your presence. I have to be honest, your presence makes the biggest impact in my system. It can easily affect me. And that’s the hardest part but I know I have to take you out in my system. I have to let go of all the kisses we used to share. To let go of all the hugs I used to crave everytime we’re apart. Let go of all the pictures and videos I used to look at whenever i missed you. Or even the messages that I keep on re-reading everytime I wanna talk to you. I should delete all of them because those are your presence that will keep on haunting me and delaying me to let go.  I will delete them and make new memories without you.

I’m letting go all the promises and plans we’ve made. Sometimes, like what every brokenhearted people are saying, promises are meant to be broken. Sometimes, when you make plans, it’s either it will happen or it won’t. We used to plan for our future, we make promises to never let go and fight for each other. But this time, I have to let them go. I have to let go all the promises and plans we made and start making plans only for me.. I promise this to myself.

I’m letting go of all the feelings I have for you. I know this is the hardest part of all but I have to. I have to forget what I feel for you and remember what I deserve. I am not saying I don’t deserve you. Of course, I do. I deserve you because I love you. But I guess, I deserve better. And in order for me to let go of everything I feel for you, I have to go for what I deserve more. I have to let go all the love I have for you and replace it with acceptance. I know you loved me and I’m thankful for that. It’s hard to unlove you but I will.

It’s hard to let go of someone when your heart says no. But in order for me to start again I need to let go of all the baggages, and I’m sorry if one of them was you. I’m sorry for letting you down and for walking away. I’m sorry we didn’t make it. I’m sorry it took me so long to do this. To move on, to let go and to say goodbye.

I may forget what I feel about you, but I know I won’t forget you. I wish you happiness, good health, more opportunities, love and joy. I hope you remember me as the woman who made you smile even for a brief time.

Lastly, I want you to know that I am not sorry for loving you.



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